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Kjellsson meets Queen Almeida
A young, Swedish boy and a self-proclaimed best villain ever, known as William Kjellsson is walking down the streets of New York when he suddenly feels everything around him freeze on time; people, plants, cars, etc. He is the only one left standing with, unfrozen, while a sandy apparition slowly appears before him. The apparition turns out to be no one other than Queen Almeida herself! Confused, but not a little scared, Kjellsson demands an explanation for what just happened, with Almeida slowly getting to her point. The Deal Kjellsson: Who are u? Almeida: Do not be afraid, William. I am Queen Almeida. The ruler of Boolos, the Goddess of Time. Kjellsson: (Surprised as all hell) Wow! What did I do to deserve even being in your presence? My desire for power and my will to achieve it?? Almeida: Well, that, and my goodwill, William. William: This is amazing! This IS DELICIOUS! Almeida: Yes, yes, of course. Now, my daughter, another Elder Goddess, named Cetrion- Kjellsson: You have a daughter? Sounds awesome! Can she also do time-stop and sandstorms and stuff like that?! Almeida: Well, no, she is actually the Mother Nature herself! (William wow's a few times, impressed as you were when you actually managed not to get an F on the math test despite not studying at all) Now, as I was saying before I was interrupted, my daughter has long watched as just how much you desired control over nuclear weaponry for your war against Sota, a planet you cannot stand at all and she also saw all of your hatred against America's dictator, Frank Kenson, well. Kjellsson: That's wonderful. Yes, I have indeed wanted to destroy Sota all these years. Their presence to this universe is offensive! Highly offensive! That crappy planet hosts the kinds like Yautjas, crappy Butcherflys and Zaratans to name a few! As for that demon Kenson! Bah God, how much I hate him! He turned these good o' United Stapes into his very own dark lair! Almeida: Most unfortunate indeed. However, you my child, have a lot more similarities to the dictator Olaf Tutchenko than Kenson has. Kjellsson: Meh, a lot of people say he did the worst things and yadda, yadda, yadda, but there were and are tons of worse people than him out there! I do not hate Outworlders exactly, but I assure you this place would be much better if he exinct them all, pardon my xenophobia. Almeida: Indeed. But you think Kenson is a bad man? I find that ironic. He also wants to blow stuff up with his nuclear power, transform the Earth into his desire. Kjellsson: But we're not the same! He has different viewpoints completely! He has no real reasons to extinct the Outworlders other than the fact that they're illegal immigrants and literally aliens! I wanted to end their painful existence because of the vile communism they spread, they're all dictators! Plus their Emperor Shao Kahn is a lot worse than Olaf ever could be! He merges other planets into his own! Olaf never did that, but Kenson sure as hell wants to do that. He should join Sota and Outworld, so I may kill 'em all with atomic and nuclear bombs. Raining whole Chernobyl down on them! The Wishes Almeida: Interesting. Any who, I am here out of complete good will and because your point of view is pretty good. And henceforth, I grant you three wishes. William: I get three wishes? Why? Are the Elder Gods just crappy genies? Almeida: Watch your tongue, mortal! My kindness has it's limits! William: Oh, sorry! It just seems weird how you offer me three wishes out of all the power you seem to have. Almeida: Even this would be too much for you, child, so be humble and grateful! William: Uuuhhh, yes, of course! I apologise. Now, what types of wishes may I or may I not get fulfilled? Are there some certain types of wishes? Some rulers? Anything? Almeida: Well, there are some rules listed on the fine print that you shall obey. Kjellsson: And they are? Almeida: I cannot kill anyone too important! Your enemies like Shao Kahn and Kenson aren't going anywhere. Sorry, kid. Kjellsson: Ahhhh, faeces! What a bunch of bullocks! What else is illegal for me to wish for, The Boolos Queen of Time? Almeida: I can grant you power, but not ultimate power! Meaning that I cannot make you head of this state nor this entire planet! You get only limited power. Like a fancy car or something. William: That's cheap as hell, Miss. But go on. Almeida: Lastly, I cannot destroy any planets for ya. However, that could be intercepted into the second rule, but yeah, not planet destroying. William: DARN IT! Oh, well, better than nothin', I bet and guess. Almeida: Right. So what may your first wish be? William: Before I even say it, I really want to thank you for giving me this opportunity to make my greatest wishes and desires come true. I never thought I would be so worthy, but then again, I am pretty smart. I have an entire laboratory at home, y'know? Almeida: No, I do not know that, but Cetrion sure as shooting does and it's not your lab, it's your father's. William: Whatever. My first wish is to get 80 billion $! Like Billy Gates. Almeida: Hmmm? YOU GOT IT!!! (She summons 80 BILLION FRIGGEN DOLLARS IN BRIEFCASES in front of Kjellsson! William is just about to go mad with power!) William: OMG! FO' REEL??! DARN!!!! AWESOME!!!! Now I am richer than ever! Thank you so much, my Queen! My Mistress! From now on I shall worship you! (Starts touching the briefcases) Almeida: Great. Just great, really! All of you should serve me. Now, for your second wish? William: I wish to stop being a virgin! I need to get a girlfriend! How is it that Kenson is already married the second bloody time?! I hope he goes to hell! Almeida: Calm down, William! I'll get you a girlfriend, but what kind of? Btw, did you know that my son himself is the ruler of Hell? Kjellsson: Really!? OMG! That means Mother Nature is the sister of someone like Satan? Awesome! In my heart I always knew. Almeida: Indeed. Now, what kind of gf does you want? Kjellsson: I want a Swedish or at least Aryan/Germanic one that looks like me! Like a female version of me. Only that would be perfect for me. Almeida: I'll need to check my category of blond women and teleport her to you. William: Okay. Almeida: (A magical catalogue appears in her hands, she opens it up and reads it) How old must she be? William: Around 15 to 19. Maybe younger... Any age would do me fine. Almeida: Right. (Lists through the catalogue in Sonic speed) Aha!!! I found a perfect dame for you. Megan! Kjellsson: Megan Fox? The Duchess Megan? Which Megan? Almeida: Some blond girl named Megan who hates metalheads, rockers, any type of music involving drums, emos and punks! However, she is also racist to some Slavs, may I say. But I figured that that would not bother your Republican s. Kjellsson: Hey! Sounds pretty gut! May you bring her here, Your Highness? The Queen: (Sounding like Shrek) Of course! (She uses her magical, time-altering abilities to make her appear before William in the flesh!) Megan: What the?! What?!!! New York? What in the world?!! How did I get here???! And why is everyone frozen!??? Who are you, little boy? And (looks at Almeida) who... Who... Who and what are you? Almeida: You were summoned, Megan. I am the architect and Goddess of time and I summoned you here in New York while I also froze the time. I summoned you here because you will now be a girlfriend of this boy here. His name is William Kjellsson. Megan: What!?? Is this a joke?? Him??? Who even is he? He's too small for me! And young, for that matter. Almeida: Patience my darling, patience. Soon you will realise that this boy here is a magnificent treasure, for he has 80 billion dollars! Megan: BEXCUSE ME!??? 80 BILLION FAWKING DOLLARS!!!??? This lil' guy!???! He's perfect then! I like short and young guys, btw. Especially his Aryan master race looks! William: It worked! My second wish was fulfilled perfectly, my Queen. I thank you. (Megan wraps her arms around William's chest from behind) Almeida: Your welcome, kiddo. Now, for your last wish? Kjellsson: For my last wish... I want... hmmmm... Megan: Wait a sec-You, the Goddess of Time or somethin', are a wish-making genie??? Almeida: Indeed I am, my youngling. Megan: That's amazing! How is it that I am here, tho? Not that I'm complaining, of course. Almeida: My client at the moment, William here, wished for a beautiful, blond girlfriend - and I picked u. Megan: Great! William: You're 100% right, my darlin'. Now, for my last and third wish I wish for some nuclear weaponry! I demand lots and lots of nuclear bombs at my father's lab! I want my daddy's lab filled with bombs to the top of the ceiling! The Queen: (Chuckles) But what will your dad say? William: Aw, crap! You're right! He will not be pleased. He will suspect that I brought the weapons there and will suspend me forever! UND EVER! Almeida: Do you wish for something else? Besides, you can get all the nuclear weaponry through a quick buy via the deep and dark net thanks to all the money you have. Kjellsson: Of curse! But I was actually planning on spending this money on something else. (Megan hugs Willy tightly) Megan: And someone, right? William: Yeah, you. Almeida: So, what will your third wish be? Tell me, Willy, and tell me quickly as I am tired of holding this time in stop! William: I wish that my father would somehow not be able to recognise my nuclear weaponry in his lab when I buy it! Somethin' like that, My Queen. Almeida: That sounds tough to make. Brighten up, boy! You could just wish for your own lab! Kjellsson: Marvellous idea! I wish to have my own friggen lab already! One large enough to house nuclear weaponry and my computer. Almeida: Sure. (Snaps her fingers) It is done. When you get home, there will be a secret access to your new lab from your room. Use your new lab wisely and try not to get yourself blown up. William: Thank you, Queen Almeida. I will not fail. Megan: Also, I know a lot of folks who could use some bombing, if you've let me. William: Sure. Almeida: Then my work here is done. Now, get home quickly with all these briefcases so I can unfreeze the time already! And Goodbye, my children! But remember, we are all children of the One Being. Kjellsson: Uh, okay, and thank you again. (William and Megan start walking away while dragging the billion dollar briefcases to Willy's place until they finally get there.) (Almeida uses her sandy powers to teleport herself away and unfreezes the time, making everything back to the way it was. People started walking again, cars driving, etc.) The End With all the fancy toys William can buy with his newfound money/power and with a beautiful, but hate and spoiled gf by his side, his war on Sota will soon begin. Category:Events Category:Ideas Category:Real Ideas